Keep All Your Misery...

queerfatfemme:

This is a really beautiful body love story. Thanks for writing it, Bohemea!

bohemea:

I just read this post at one of my favourite Health Blogs & was totally turned off by it. My initial reaction is in the comment section. The post is essentially about a girl who can’t understand how overweight people have confidence & talks about how she judges women who weigh more than her. Now I’m all for healthy living. I had an epiphany after Momma almost died & realized that part of the reason she got so sick is because she doesn’t treat her body well & I also realized that I was getting pretty bad myself. I adore my body & it is well loved, but I’m wise enough to know that I was sliding down that slippery slope into Diabetesville. It’s a place! And I don’t want to move there - it snows Splenda in the winter instead of actual snow!

So I started exercising more, started eating healthier & my body feels so much better. I have lost weight as a result, but it was never my main goal. What I want more than anything is just to wake up & feel like starting my day, to enjoy my day & to fill my body with wonderful things. Why would I treat something I love so much any other way?

This is my issue - not that women want to shape their bodies to be slimmer or more fit. It’s your body & your right to make it look the way you feel best. What worries me is when women begin to judge other women & other women validate this behavior. And the original poster isn’t judging the morbidly obese - none of those poor saps on that Jamie Oliver show, she’s judging her friends & standard sized/overweight women that she passes on the street. And she’s saying & being validated for thinking that women who are overweight apparently shouldn’t be allowed to wear form fitting clothes? Are they only allowed to wear jogging pants & giant t-shirts decorated with teddy bears? Are overweight women not allowed to love themselves?

Your weight determines your health & plays a factor in your self esteem, but it is not all of you. You also have thoughts, and a sex drive, and a fashion sense, and a career, and a sense of humor, and talents, and ideas. And everyone is always going to have something about them that they’re self conscious about. What I try to do is to seek out people who rock the things about them that I fret about in myself. I hate my teeth, so I celebrate Anna Paquin, Lara Stone & Tom Cruise before the braces. Though probably my favourite person with crazy teeth is Terry Richardson’s Mom. That woman is outstanding! My being plus sized isn’t something that I fret about, I actually like being curvaceous, but I do also like to look at other curvy women. This would be less attributed to my body & more to my sexual attraction to women with big ol’ boobs & soft bellies. Seeking out people who love what you have trouble loving sends a positive message to your brain, “They’re like me & they love themselves, so I must love me too.” And I do. I love myself & I don’t base my self worth on how other people look or behave.

We all have to get up & out the door every day & the way to do that is not through constantly thinking about how your life would be so much better if only you were different. Fuck that! Seriously, my loves. Fuck delaying your happiness until you’re a smaller version of yourself. Yes, absolutely move your body, definitely fill it with food that will nourish & strengthen you, if you are over or under weight, do work on that, but don’t you ever tell yourself that you’re not allowed to love yourself until your BMI is lower. And don’t you ever let yourself be judged by women whose self-esteem is the issue, not your size.

photo credit: Hilda by Duane Bryers