Keep All Your Misery...

This is why I struggle with body acceptance…

So with the help of the fat activist movement, combined with my group therapy, I have slowly begun to love me, how I am, a lot more. But every now and again, something will happen to batter my already low self-worth.

So as I said, I have been feeling better about myself and have been fed up with being single, so I joined a dating site. I haven’t tried to hide what I look like, I posted a full length picture of me, combined with filling the section about my body type, so no one can accuse me of trying to be something I am not. My profile picture however, is a head shot. Things have been going ok on there.

I open my messages today to find a message from someone, who proceeds to tell me I should remove my profile picture and keep the full length one of me. Then tells me I have a pretty face, but should stop eating crap and do something about ‘how I am’ and how obviously I lot of time has passed between those pictures. (in fact, it was a month, hey ho)

I instantly felt ashamed, upset, disgusted with myself, like they were right. I burst into tears. I haven’t been in a date yet, despite some interest, because this is exactly the reaction I am afraid of. I shot off a typically childish, knee jerk “try looking in the mirror” and they replied, trying to say they were trying to “help and support me” and that I should do it for my health and it’s a shame, because otherwise I would be a pretty girl. I had calmed down by this point and felt more, fuck you, I won’t let you make me feel like this’ so sent them a response, saying that I didn’t appreciate their insults dressed up as ‘advice’ when really it was fat discrimination and that they didn’t know me, or the reasons why I was overweight and that they should maybe think before they made assumptions based on a persons appearance. I then told them not to message me again. And blocked them for good measure.

I still feel like shit, but it made me feel a bit better messaging them in a coherant fashion.

People are arseholes. I guess I just need to get used to it.